How to Project Self-Confidence
90How do they do it?
Some people just have it made. They are voted “most likely to succeed” in school. They receive job offers in their field right after graduation from college and climb the corporate ladder with ease. They marry the smartest, most attractive, most popular man or woman in town. They live in nice neighborhoods and send their children to the finest schools. They are respected members of the community. Others solicit their personal and professional advice. They are in charge of any situation—an unofficial leader that takes action when it is required. They enjoy life and live well.
These folks appear to be luckier than everyone else. How do they do it? How do some people seem to have it made from the very beginning? There is no simple answer to these questions, but the most successful people typically share at least one attribute: they radiate self-confidence. An aura of self assurance emanates from their every action. They exude a personal sense of worth and security. They are charismatic.
Your inner voice is likely shouting in protest, “That’s not fair! I’m a nice person! I’m likable! What can I do to get the same breaks?” Luckily, all is not lost for those who are a bit more reserved. We can teach ourselves to behave in a way others notice and respond to positively. We can learn to display self-confidence by focusing on specific behavioral characteristics. Let’s examine each of these behavioral keys and explore how they relate to an image of self-confidence.
Images of self-confidence
Keys to projecting self-confidence
1. Eye contact. Powerful people are not afraid to look into someone’s eyes. If someone looks into our eyes and we do not return their gaze, it is interpreted as a lack of confidence or even an acknowledgement of inferiority. There are people who exercise authority simply by staring at another individual until they look away. If we are uncomfortable with prolonged eye contact, we should not look down. Instead, we should make intermittent eye contact and gaze at the other person’s forehead the rest of the time.
2. Voice. The way we communicate says much about our self-confidence. We project poise if we speak in a deep voice which resonates from the chest with force and energy. The voice is an indicator of our emotional state, so tonal quality and the speed with which we speak must be considered. If our speaking voice is too high and fast, we are perceived to be nervous and insecure; speaking too slowly is viewed as indecisive. If we speak slightly slower than normal, it is said to indicate that we are intent on being heard.
3. Gestures. Powerful people usually keep their hands still and do not display nervous habits. Gestures that are deliberate and meaningful are used while speaking when emphasis is desired. Accomplished speakers typically practice and refine their use of hand gestures. Our gestures must always remain relaxed and natural; they should mirror the speed with which we’re speaking and never become flamboyant.
4. Posture. We reveal much about ourselves through our posture. When we’re sad, our head is down and our shoulders are slumped forward. Self-confident, charismatic people always exhibit good posture. The head is held high and the back is straight. Shoulders are pulled back and the chest is out. Good posture contributes to graceful movements that others equate with poise.
5. Walk. Self-assured individuals walk at a faster, more energetic pace than those with low self-esteem. When we walk in a slow, tired manner, we appear to be burdened with the weight of the world. It isn’t necessary to leave our friends behind in a sprint down the sidewalk, but a faster pace not only makes us seem more purposeful, it elevates our heart rate and increases the flow of blood to our brain and muscles. We are sharper and more attentive when we walk faster.
6. Smile. A simple smile makes us and everyone we interact with feel better. We radiate an inner peace and empathy that makes us instantaneously more likable and approachable. A smile informs all that the world is not getting us down. It affects the quality of our voice as well, making us sound friendlier and more alert. It is one of the simplest things we can do to exude self-confidence and one of the easiest, as well.
7. Personal space. Self-confident men and women command a larger personal space than others. Personal space translates into self-confidence in two ways: by respecting the personal space of others, and not flinching or moving away when others come close or touch us. If we calmly maintain our space when others have violated it, we will be perceived in a confident manner.
8. Personal habits. Are we dirty and dressed in sloppy or inappropriate clothes when we are in public? Do we need to comb our hair, brush our teeth, or shave? Do we hide behind sunglasses or countless layers of baggy clothing, as if trying to become invisible? It isn’t necessary to wear a suit or cocktail dress to the grocery store, but good grooming, attention to hygiene and dressing in an appropriate yet flattering way will demonstrate our self-respect. Do we smoke, drink or curse in public, allowing others to observe us in indulging our vices? Do we engage in excessive public displays of affection? Our actions also announce to the world how we view ourselves.
Final thoughts about self-confidence
Exuding self-confidence is a balancing act achieved by recognizing the distinction between assertiveness and aggressiveness. It is the difference between a faith in our convictions and the need to always be right. It is supporting others without deferring to them. Assertive behavior is perceived as confidence; aggression is viewed as weakness. This balance is maintained through accepting both our strengths and our weaknesses; and, of keeping success and failure in perspective. It is avoiding highs that are too high and lows that are rock bottom.
A swagger comes naturally to those with self-confidence—less so for those seeking to appear confident. This sounds obvious, but tools for projecting self-assurance and acquiring it are not identical. Posture and eye contact are signs of poise, but they are only indicators. Projecting confidence can help us develop it, but there are other factors, as well. The inner peace of self-assuredness is realized through setting and achieving goals and supporting the aspirations of others. It is derived from adherence to core values. It is also achieved through treating others with courtesy. Respect for others demonstrates a lack of fear and recognition that other people are not a threat to our hopes and ambitions.
Whether it is with a commitment to our values or the willingness to smile and stand tall when things aren’t going well, projecting self-confidence will ultimately transform us. When this happens, it will transform our luck, as well. It will allow us to make our luck.
And everyone will see it.
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My son looks like your "poor choice in casual dress" candidate. And he wonders why coaches go ballistic on him when he shows up for baseball practice in flip-flops. You are right, there is a balancing act of recognizing the difference between the brash swagger of arrogance and the cool walk of self-confidence. This is a great hub I'm marking for future reference.
Mike - Truly awesome hub. Very informative, excellent advice and very well written. I think you have pretty much covered all the bases.
Sage
Excellent hub Mike, excellent hub. Well organized, full of good points but without useless words. Rated up, bookmarked, stumbled and when I'll write a hub on assertiveness I'll put a link on it. Very, very well done.
Brilliant hubpage about confidence Mike!.
I used to be an unconfident person, but now try not to be, it can be hard with a life time of put downs, but the ability to think positive and hopeful of what the future brings seems to bring new found confidence.
Great hub! And couldn't we all use a little (or a lot) of help in this department. I really loved #8 - personal habits.
My mother taught me this. So many people these days have an attitude about "I don't care what others think of me" and act/dress this way. This often communicates to others that "I don't care about you."
Oh, and I found turning 40 gave me a lot of self confidence. There's nothing like a few years and a little experience under your belt to help give you that aura of self confidence naturally!
There's truly a difference between being insecure (and caring too much about what people think about) and being secure and confident. How you appear can tell volumes.
I'm sorry so many young people don't get that kind of guidance before they leave the house.
Inspirational Hub!!!!!!!
Self Confidence will allow us to make our luck. To make eye contact, Walking in confident manner, Smiling etc. are some of the attribute displayed by self confident person. Thanks a lot for sharing so precious information. I await your future hub with great curiosity.
Thanks for a useful Hub - I need to work on my Posture. Walking? I must admit I walk confidently when I'm wearing high heels. lol.
This is a Hub I'd love to share with people.
Best Wishes.
Terrific good hub, thank you!
Thanks for the hub, great overview.
Good hub! I needed this reminder! Thanks Mike.
wise words, we can all make improvement, for sure
10.000 hub views. Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Extremely well deserved. :)
A great hub, very well written. Your style is so easy to understand but still has so much valuable information.
Your hub is now also listed on my blog.
Great work
Dale
I really enjoyed this and found it very interesting. The part about keeping your hands still really hit home. I know I have a problem with fidgeting with my hands or something I'm holding. You hub reminds me to work on that. Thanks.
Thanks Mike, that was a great read. I walk with a natural swagger (lol) but there are times and situations when I might find myself being less sure of myself than I would normally be. Thanks for the pointers. I'll use them in those aforementioned times and situations.
Cheers.
Your article is very empowering and should be of great use to those who are a bit shy and introverted. You have a very well written article.
Interesting and useful post. In todays competitive world selfconfidence is very essental.
Ramkkasturi
I absolutely 100% agree that self-confidence is vitally important in any situation, and in any endeavor for which the outcome is sucess. Though I'm not so sure I agree that self-confidence is necessarily an indicator that one is "living" better. I think of actors, politicians...
A lot of their confidence gets them in BIG trouble too. Speaking of confidence, how's about that Tiger Woods? ;)
Like anything in life, it's how you use it.
Hmmm. Now you make me think. :)
Perhaps arrogance IS something that looks like self-confidence, but is clearly not.
Great hub! It's not always easy to feel self-confident during trying times ... your hub reminds me that I need to work harder on the image I'm projecting to others. Thanks for a great article.
Great hub Mike. Makes me want to work on my "self" portrait.
I have found self confidence to be a funny thing. When I was young, birth - 6th grade, we moved every 2 years. I became painfully shy for obvious reasons. When I hit 7th grade we finally settled into one place and by the time the summer between my 9th & 10th grade came, I decided I would change my appearence and attitude and become the confident person I wanted to be, and it worked.
But now I've found as I've gotten older, the reverse is happening. Now when I should be at my most confident, I find myself sliding back into that shy, ackward self. And once again I'm struggling to find my voice and confidence.
Damn! Back to square one.
Great hub Mike! I know its quite old and I am a little late but I think that you make some great points and provide every one with some great tips. Its been proven time and time again that confidence opens doors no matter who you are.
Thanks again, revortay1
Article is sure a self confidence booster !
Also I would like add to this great hub ,
Change the Way You Think of Yourself ("As a man thinketh, so is he.")
Abandon all your fear's,as it is the single greatest enemy of self-confidence,
Thanks for sharing !
Article is sure a self confidence booster !
Also I would like add to this great hub ,
Change the Way You Think of Yourself ("As a man thinketh, so is he.")
Also Fear is the greatest single enemy of self-confidence,
Thanks for sharing !
I really liked this hub..very good job:)
this is another awesome hub, and you and I probably both know several people who radiate that "self-confidence" but I must say excellent hub bookmarked for more reading.
I really like this, very informative (and well written). I've realized that even if you don't feel confident, just standing up straight and making the gestures helps a lot.
I've read about these behavioral keys before (except the one about personal space), but you managed to add some details to each that made this article superior to others I've read. (For example, if eye contact feels too intense, take a break by flicking your gaze to the person's forehead for a second to avoid looking down or away in what will appear as "defeat" or sign of inferiority.)
Thanks.
Nice hub, Mike. Now you just need to write a hub about not appearing as arrogant!
Cheers.
Beautiful Hub! You sure do good and detailed research.
Nice hub, self confidence really counts in every aspect of life.. I have learned that taking a self confident attitude makes a real difference as to how you are perceived and treated. Just don't appear too laid back and over confident!
Mike, this is a wonderful hub. Self confidence is so important to everybody to develop their future. You must not be afraid to project your strengths to others and even your qualities must be freely projected. Then, you'll be in a position to reinforce various ideas in your mind and encourage your development in a positive manner.
Great hub Mike! Self confidence is probably one of the finest qualities a person can have. I wanted to say something about point 6. Smiling does make a person look confident and more likable and approachable, but I know from own experience that smiling too much can also fireback and make you look insecure.
Great read, simple but so true. I've just started a new business and this hub has reminded me of where I need to get back on track regarding my customer interactions. thank Mike
Everything in here is true, but I just can't imagine holding all this stuff in my head at once. When it comes down to it, confidence is a feeling and we need some way of really getting in touch with that feeling.
What I feel would make your hub go up to 100 would be talking about how one can either practice this safely. Most people suffering with anxiety cant just look someone in the eye. But, someone who is already feeling confident will find this natural.
Thanks for the info. It is good. I'm going to practice a few of these.
..why that's gosh darn easy - I come here to check out Mike's hubs .......
Hi Mike,
I enjoyed reading your article and I would consider it abundantly helpful advice, if it weren't for one teeny tiny obstacle in my case. You see, I was born without a torso. My arms and legs sort of just sprout from the underside of this hideous mass of flesh that my head sits on top of. Is there any plausible method in which you could transpose your infinite knowledge on how to disseminate pure, overwhelming confidence into a form that would be more achievable by a useless, unmotivated lump like myself? Pulling pussy is so very hard when I'm missing half of my structure. Thanks man, you're a trooper.
Wow great advice & a truly well laid out & written article. Thank you for sharing this. Dale
Hey, Mike, I loved this article. Written beautifully, and very informative. As someone who has experienced anxiety in the past, I can offer a piece of advice when it comes to exuding self confidence (may be of help to zenofsong). If you think of yourself as a small piece of a whole, rather than a separate entity all together, confidence comes naturally. Imagine this, if you will. You, and others around you are merely cups of water that have been removed from one flowing river. Environmental factors have altered your make up, but ultimately, you are of the same source. When you bare this image in all social interactions, you will feel a connectedness to every person you encounter. This connectedness unites you with each of these people, which makes eye contact almost inevitable. You begin to speak with complete strangers as if they are a sibling. People are drawn to you, and they aren't even sure why. It has helped me wondorously! Again, wonderfully written :)
Wow. Powerful. Enough said.
Dan
A much needed and informative piece, Mike. Thank you!!Nicky
Good information on the small things that show self confidence. Often its the little things. Thanks for pointing them out.
Love your work. Your hub should be a class at college!
Mike, I love your writing but I also love to disagree with your viewpoints. In my opinion, everything you've described in this hub is "faking" self-confidence.
When it comes to self-confidence, "fake it 'til you make it" just doesn't work. Instead of projecting self-confidence, why not pursue clarity and once you've found it, eliminate those things from your life that don't align with who you really are?
Once you've done this, you'll have something far more valuable than self-confidence and that's self-assurance.
Excellent post Mike. You highlighted some great points that will help anyone exude strength and confidence. Now throw in a little humility and you're all set.
Brilliant hub. I like practical and you can't get more practical as this!
Charisma
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Ghost Whisper 77 2 years ago
Good hub Mike! You know...I have been on both sides and can immediately know who would be a great fit for the 'team' and who won't. (my job is about sales) A man or woman who is dressed nicely, yes! A man or woman who smiles, yes! Good posture is confidence mostly, yes! So it makes sense.
But...often people judge others by their looks and this may change their idea of the 'real' person sitting in front of them,ie; I am great at sales, have a confident walk about me,always smile, major eye contact person...but sometimes with me this backfires! Really it does! People see my walk as arrogant..not! My smile has been deemed flirtatious! NOT. Major eye contact has scared many job interviewers away from me *job threat I think..hehehe...
I say that all of your suggestions are perfect and to just be yourself and let yourself shine! The right employer will be the lucky one! ;)