The Lure of Suicide: A Crisis Intervention
74Suicide facts and statistics
In the United States, someone takes their own life every 17 minutes. There are approximately 750,000 suicide attempts each year, and it is estimated that more than five million living Americans have attempted suicide. I have personally known five people who took their own life. I am also friends with three others who attempted suicide on at least one occasion. Two of the people who killed themselves were close friends--one ended his life two blocks from my home. Each of them acted suddenly and the warning signals were not sufficiently apparent for friends and loved ones to notice and heed them. And now they are gone.
Suicide Statistics and Warning Signs
In the United States, 1.3% of all deaths are from suicide—it is the 11th leading cause of death in America. More than ½ of all suicides in America are accomplished with the use of a handgun. Hanging, suffocation and poisons account for another 40%. (Source: Center for Disease Control and Prevention.) Many of us have been taught to look for indications of suicidal thoughts when someone is depressed or in crisis. The warning signs include: feeling trapped, helpless or that there is no hope; exhibiting changes in behaviors including eating and sleeping habits; acting recklessly or impulsively; withdrawing from family and friends or giving away possessions; losing interest in activities; talking or writing about death or creating a will. There are suicide hotlines and many books, documents or online articles with suggestions for helping someone who feels suicidal—but what will we really do when we are with someone who wants to kill himself?
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A look at suicide
Craig's story
When I was a college student, I worked as a janitor at the local F.W. Woolworth’s (for anyone too young to remember Woolworth’s, imagine Walgreen’s with a coffee shop). My final duty each day was to clean the coffee shop, and while mopping floors and taking trash to the dumpster I became friends with the young man who washed dishes. His name was Craig and he was an intelligent, sensitive fellow a few years younger than me. He washed dishes to pay his bills but hoped to become a musician. He wrote poems and song lyrics on his work breaks, and I enjoyed talking with him about life and art as we went about our duties. We sat outside and talked after work once or twice and he told me about a young lady he was involved with. He was very much in love and hoped to marry her. Craig wrote poems about her, and one afternoon he introduced me to a beautiful young woman named Jennifer. I was immediately struck by the contrasts in their personalities—Jennifer seemed too materialistic and worldly for my soft-spoken friend. I was also concerned because Craig appeared far more attracted to Jennifer than she was to him. My first impressions were validated by Jennifer’s subsequent visits to Woolworth’s, and I suspected their relationship would not last.
Over time Craig’s behaviors subtly changed. His poetry and song lyrics became darker in theme, and soon he stopped writing on his work breaks, choosing instead to sit outside on the steps and smoke cigarettes. He talked about Jennifer less frequently, and the sparkle in his eyes was no longer evident when he did mention her. I worried for my young friend. Whenever he wished to talk I listened, but he reached a point where he no longer sought a listening ear to pour out his troubles.
One evening as I attended to mopping the floors, I noticed Craig wasn’t in the kitchen washing dishes. I looked about the store for him but he wasn’t there. I eventually peeked out the back door and saw Craig sitting on the back steps. I knew something was wrong because he was allowed to go home as soon as he finished washing dishes—there was no reason to prolong the half-hour of work he had left. I stepped outside and involuntarily gasped in fear—in his hand was a butcher knife the kitchen staff used while cooking.
I knew nothing about suicide prevention, but felt I had to help him. I slowly approached and sat down. Craig was jumpy and extremely angry. I asked him to talk to me and he said, “I wasn’t drunk or anything. Scott was drinking, not me.” I had no idea what he was referring to and didn’t know who Scott was, but I assured him I didn’t think drinking was ever a problem for him. He mentioned again that Scott drank. I nodded. I asked if he wanted to go inside and sit in one of the coffee shop booths to talk, but he shook his head. He said he wasn’t going back inside—he intended to kill himself. He tightly gripped the butcher knife and I feared he meant to cut his wrist with it. I never tried to take the knife from him. The knife was his power and he needed it.
My heart raced as I sat and listened to this troubled young man. The Woolworth’s Manager was upstairs completing his end-of-day reports, and all the other employees had left for the day. Craig and I were alone. I was terrified of what might happen next, but realized I had to stay with him and maintain my self-control. A wrong action on my part could be disastrous. I knew Craig was serious but reasoned that he wouldn’t announce it if he really intended to kill himself. There was a tiny part of him that wanted to live, and I tried to find and connect with it before it was too late. I encouraged him to keep talking and eventually realized his sorrows concerned Jennifer. He never directly said she left him, but it became apparent from his comments that he felt abandoned by this woman he idolized so much.
Eventually he stopped talking and sat in
silence. He seemed more resigned than
angry, but I wasn’t sure if that was an improvement. He abruptly stood and informed me it was time
to go, and started walking north down the alley.
I asked him to come back, but when he didn’t respond I got up and
followed. When I caught up with him I gently
wrapped my arms around him. I didn’t
take the knife away, but instead guided him back toward the store. When we returned to the door he sat down on
the steps and began to sob. I put an arm
around him and told him I cared that he lived.
Craig cried for a long while as we sat on the steps together. When he couldn’t cry any longer, I told him I
was going to take the butcher knife back inside. He didn’t hand it to me, but he didn’t stop
me from taking it, either. I didn't want to leave Craig alone even for a few seconds, so I reached inside to set the knife on a counter without actually going in. When I opened the door I saw the Store Manager, who had been searching for us when he
came to lock up and noticed our work hadn’t been finished. I told him Craig needed a doctor. The Manager said he would drive Craig to the
hospital, and I nodded approval.
The Manager told Craig he was going to take him to get help, and in panic he said he needed to finish the dishes first. I offered to take care of the dishes for him, and he put his head on my shoulder. I patted his back in response. As the Store Manager led Craig to his car, I said I would finish cleaning up and would stay in the store until he returned to lock up. When they drove off, however, my legs became rubbery and my stomach was queasy. I sat alone in the coffee shop booth and shook in fear from the challenge I just faced.
Suicide awareness can make a difference
Several years later, Craig found me working on-campus and we spoke for a few minutes. He looked tan and fit, and I guessed that his life had improved. He said he hoped he would see me again someday and wanted to thank me for my help that evening. He confided that no one had ever listened to him the way I had, and my intervention was timely—five minutes later and I would have been too late. Craig said he still felt “that way” sometimes but was doing well, overall. I shook his hand and told him I was glad for him.
He returned a few weeks later and introduced me to his fiancé. She lacked Jennifer’s physical beauty, but their affection and caring for each other was evident. He had found the love he wished for as a teenager. I was happy to see him talking about music and playing in local venues, and I accepted his invitation to watch his band play later in the week. That weekend I saw his band perform and reflected on what a waste it would have been if he wasn’t alive to play his songs. I was no hero or expert on suicide prevention--all I did that evening years earlier was listen and give him a hug, but I was proud of myself.
I believe that suicide is preventable and suicide prevention methods are effective. Suicide intervention is a key factor—it is extremely important to recognize the warning signs and support anyone considering suicide in getting the help they need. If someone you know is thinking of killing himself, call 9-1-1 or a suicide hotline, or take him to a hospital emergency room. Actively assist in getting the person the medical attention they require. Proper care and treatment can help many people with suicidal thoughts return to living a fully functioning life.
And if someone contemplating suicide wants to talk to you—please listen.
September 10, 2010 was World Suicide Prevention Day.
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CommentsLoading...
You did all the right things, Mike, when you saw Craig with the knife. You were calm, empathic, non-judgmental, patient and most important, you listened and let him talk about his pain and perhaps vent as well.
You can be very proud that you might have saved this young man's life. You are not only wise, but in my book, a HERO!
Touching piece. Life is so hard sometimes. Bravo piece you did good my friend.
SilentReed, thanks for your comments. After this happened, I never really thought about it as brave on my part--I was terrified that he would hurt himself. In the state he was in I suppose he could have turned on me instead, but I never even considered that possibility until much later. Everything I did was instinctive, and I was just glad it made a difference.
Thanks for stopping by, I really appreciate it.
Mike
Drbj, thanks for your kind words. I didn't have any conception of having done anything special at the time, but I will confess that I was pretty proud of myself later. I didn't have any awareness of what to do to help someone threatening suicide, but perhaps that worked in my favor. Maybe Craig could tell that I was truly interested in helping him--I don't know. As far as being a hero is concerned, I don't know if I would go that far, but I must confess it feels pretty good for you to say that. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Thanks again for your kind words--I am grateful.
Mike
Hi, Janny! Thanks for reading. Life is hard at times, and we are all sunk if we can't be there for each other once in awhile. I am a strong advocate for listening, and I like to believe it helped here.
Hope you're doing well. We don't get to see you around HP much these days, which makes that much nicer that you stopped by to comment. Thank you.
Mike
Hello Mike
The Statistics are alarming. As you wrote "suicide is preventable" - if people talk to them or if they are lucky to have someone in the right place at the right time, like you were. Great Job.
I hope Craig's story helps others. We are only human and sometimes people can't see past the strong feelings of turmoil inside.
Great Hub.
Elena, thanks for your comments. You are correct, people sometimes can't see past their turmoil. I truly believe many people who have killed themselves would not if they could just see beyond the pain of that instant. That was certainly the case for Craig, and while he confessed to still having some dark moments, he was fine once he passed his time of crisis.
Thanks again for your comments and insights. I appreciate them very much.
Mike
Sometimes it stuns me that teens get to adulthood, Mike. I attempted suicide during those years but somehow survived. What an amazing friend you were to Craig, thanks for your strength.
Turmoil is such a part of growing up; this hub will hopefully reach those in crisis.
Thanks.
Lorlie, thanks for reading. I agree, it sometimes seems a miracle that more teens don't fall victim to the intensity of their feelings. Turmoil is a part of growing up, but I wish it didn't have to be that way sometimes.
Thanks for your comments--their honesty and sincerity are greatly appreciated. Take care.
Mike
You are a savior Mike. Thank God you were there to save a life; and thank you for sharing your story. In life, both teens and adult can feel suicidal because of the pressures of life. It is my hope that your story helps another.
Kai, thanks so much for your kind words. I certainly didn't feel like a savior at the time--terrified would be a more apt description--but I will admit that after the fact, I was pretty proud that I was able to help. It seems as if more and more folks are feeling the pressures of life these days, and I hope that whenever someone feels they can't go on, a friend will be there for them.
Thanks so much for reading, I appreciate it a great deal.
Mike
Hello my friend~
It's been a while. I've been hanging out with my own psychosis and freaking for a while. But thought I'd come out and socialize for a while.
Interesting subject...
Unfortunately find myself short of time to type. Life has intervened yet again. Timing sucks...a drama happening as I type.
Ah well...maybe next time.
Be well my friend.
It was interesting because I was talking to my sister about this a couple of nights ago, Mike.
It is not normal to want to kill oneself, and outright doing it is not the only way to do it. Not eating, not taking required medication, any act that reduces survival is an act of killing the body. In some cases it is a chemical imbalance, in others it is simply one's decision to give up..for whatever perceived reason.
What a kind thing you did for Craig. I love the ending of this story.
Voice, nice to see ya. I'm glad you stopped by. I know things haven't been great for you lately, but I am hopeful that the bumps in the road will level out someday. Stop by to say hi any time or feel free to email if you wish. And, as always, take care.
Mike
Msorensson, thanks for reading. I agree that there are many ways to kill oneself, and they do not all take deliberate acts. We can, as you suggest, just give up on taking care of ourselves. It is easy to see why some folks feel their only recourse is to give up, but there are always options. Craig eventually saw this, and while he admitted to still having off days when I saw him next, he clearly was happy he saw beyond the troubles of the moment. That is what is important for us all--to see to the next hour, day or year.
Thanks for reading and for your kind words. Take care.
Mike
Mike, the story of your friend is so moving. I think it is the story of so many young men with differing details of course. How lucky he was that he had a true friend looking out for him.
I wish more young men had someone there for them at the right time and place to stop them from killing themselves. I work w/ teens and it is so heart breaking to loose any of them. I have lost at least one a year over the last nine years. It never gets easier.
Thank you for raising awareness on this subject that while hard to tackle, deserves all of our attention. You really did well here.
Poetvix, thanks for stopping by. You are correct, there are so many young people with a story similar to Craig's. It is so difficult for them to see that things will change, and it is so tragic when they see no alternative except to take their own lives. I have lost several friends to suicide, and it is such a tragedy.
I appreciate your reading and taking the time to comment. Thank you so much.
Mike
My sister-in-law took her life and shot her husband. Clearly it was him she was mad at. She shot him five times. He lived. I wish she would have talked to us and let us help her. For some reason she must have felt she couldn't. I think that is how they all feel. How to get them to talk. I think it would help.
You did a great thing Mike. I, as well, have known a few people who had committed suicide, all had shot themselves. The sadness that is flowing through someone at that time is something that no one understands during that dark decision to actually end it. The feeling of hope is enough to keep a human being pushing along through the difficult times. Once someone loses hope, that glimmer of light at the end of a dark tunnel that things will be ok, it is very difficult to find a reason to keep going on.
You did the best thing for him, you listened, consoled, and let him know you were there for him.
Excellent column Mike.
Granny's House, thanks for stopping by. Your account is so tragic (although it is miraculous that someone could be shot five times and live). We are always left to wonder why someone resorts to violence without trying one more time to talk things out. In the story I told here, I did very little more than just listen, but I also believed Craig didn't really want to kill himself. It sounds as if your sister-in-law had much deeper issues. It is still a tragedy that she didn't try to trust someone to help.
I thank you for your comments. I hope that anyone reading the comments on this page can understand that there are more chances in life--things really do get better. Thanks again.
Mike
Gemineye, thanks for reading and offering your insights. As you suggest, it is so hard to imagination what someone is feeling when they decide to take their own life. The feelings of despair and "alone-ness" must be horrible. I have always hoped that anyone who felt that way could come talk with me, but very close friends did not, and I can only assume the spark of hope was indeed gone.
Thanks again for stopping by, I am appreciative. Take care.
Mike
Mike - you're right - listening and taking the time to care are the best gifts anyone a person can give to another in despair as you did for Craig. And as you and your manager did for Craig, taking him to where he could get the help immediately. That's the real combination: care, listen and take the person to someone who can help them - a crisis center is usually a good bet.
The world seems quite dark and unfriendly to people in despair - they're at the end of their rope!
Sensitive people have a particularly difficult time in our materialistic and "high powered" world. There are so many really sensitive souls who simply get overwhelmed by the harshness around them - they aren't all artists - sometimes they are the people we least expect living in psychological and emotional pain every day - they just don't know what to do about it! Often, they have reached out but didn't find the right help.
A friend just committed suicide. It was a shock but not a surprise. She was a tender soul who tried to survive in a cold and harsh world - everything she tried to do was misunderstood because no one took the time to ask her point of view, her approach.
Though well educated and experienced, it was difficult for her to find work and when she did, she was fired by a new manager who couldn't be bothered to discuss anything with anyone - my way or the highway type of manager.
She took her own life - I know why - can we always help? No. Sometimes life's obstacles are just too enormous and hope dies. The confusion,the weight of their inability to cope and the inabilty to get on the "right track" for them nails the coffin.
When hope dies, there is nothing left. That's the moment, I believe, people take their lives. In a mere second, hope is gone.
Lorraine, thanks so much for your thoughtful comments. You are correct--sometimes the world is just too difficult to face alone, and so many people truly feel they are alone. It is sad to see. The story of your friend is a tragic but perfect example--the circumstances you describe are so telling. Someone with the education and background to succeed does not, and there is no real reason why. It was just something that happened, and it took too much from your friend to allow her to go on. As you said, the hope was gone and there was nothing left.
I thank you so much for your moving story, and I am sorry things ended up as they did for your friend. I sincerely hope that whoever reads this article finds your comments, as well. Your friend's story demonstrates the importance of offering hope to someone if we can. It might really be all they have.
Thanks again.
Mike
Mike thank goodness Craig had your friendship, you were his savior indeed. I was in a similar position with a good friend of mine, I walked in on him when he was putting the noose around his neck and standing on a chair in his living room.
I talked him out of going through with it, he stepped down and cried like a baby on my shoulder. I sat him down at his kitchen table, made us some coffee and had a good talk. He took some much needed advice and found a great counselor to work with him. Today he is a happily married man and doing very well.
It takes understanding and not criticism or harsh words to a person who is suffering, we all need help from time to time and we must stand by our brothers and sisters in their desperate hour of need. Thanks for this share Mike you are a good man and a caring and loving heart. peace my friend.
Saddlerider, thanks for your kind words. You see things so clearly and I always am grateful for your comments. I felt terrified throughout this entire incident, but I was also thankful that I was there when he needed a friend. I have known friends who have died alone because they could no longer face the pain of their own existence. I wished I could have helped them, as well.
This article is a plea to everyone to be willing to listen if someone needs a person to talk to--never withhold attention or caring. We both have a similar story where someone benefited from our being there at the right time, and hopefully others can be there when they are needed, as well.
Thanks again for your comments and insights, my friend.
Mike
Mike, What an amazing and true life story. I'm so impressed with your detailed account about how you talked a man down from suicide. I feel the most important thing we can take from your experience and very brave yet loving act is to listen. Take the time to talk to people who try to talk.
We are all so caught up in our busy lives that we don't take the time to stop and smell the roses if you will. One of the most beautiful roses in this world is that of taking the time to talk and listen to others.
Peace and Thanks for The Lure of Suicide A Crisis Intervention. :)
Katie, thanks for reading. I kept lots of journals when I was younger, which help keep memories like this alive--not that I would have forgotten something like this, anyway. I am always of a belief that if we can take the time to listen to someone, we should. Who knows in what ways that can help. If we can help someone else smell the roses, we are helping everyone.
Thanks again, I am always appreciative of your comments.
Mike
In the deep darkness of depression we are not ‘normal’. We are completely in a negative mode. Death looks like heaven and Life like hell. Nothing, except medicine or a lot of positive experiences stimulating the releasing of anti-depressant hormones can recover the chemical imbalances in the brain. Thereafter we can enforce ourselves with positive thinking and exercises. This is what I’ve learnt through personal experiences. Thanks for this interesting story, and for being there for Craig.
Martie, thanks for offering your insights. Depression does indeed color the way we view the world, and it is a dark path to walk. When someone is feeling completely negative, suicide perhaps seems logical, but while it might offer release, it is a tragedy. You are correct, it takes a lot of positive experiences to guide anyone suffering from depression back to a "normal" life (or medicine, as you have also suggested).
Thanks for stopping by, your perspective on this is much appreciated.
Mike
Once again, your words had me right there with you. I so enjoy reading your work and am delighted to have "found" you. What an experience. I have to admit being on the other side of it but that was a long time ago.
I now realize that even the worst days do eventually pass and even though you can have a month or more of black empty days you have to hang on, putting one foot in front of the other, until the chemicals re-balance or you switch meds, if you can manage to get to the doctor.
It truly is when the light at the end of the tunnel turns out to be an oncoming train that you feel there is no point to sticking around. Sick and tired of being sick and tired - but then something beautiful happens - like reading this - and it can turn things around. I hope someone feeling down finds their way here and can realize that there are people out there who care and that they can reach out. Very very well written!
Poohganma, thanks for your kind words. Your summation of things is absolutely correct--things do get better and people really do care. Problems that seem insurmountable really do pass, and it is important to look forward to better days.
I am so very appreciative of your kind words, and I am glad you enjoy my work. Thanks so much. Take care.
Mike
Maybe God used you and lucky for this guy you cared. My doctor asked me a couple of years if I ever thought about suicide and I said well sure; doesn't everyone. We both laughed although it is not a laughing matter,but apparently he has thought of it too. I would bet everyone has. What would it be like, if I did it how would I do it, is it really the unforgivable sin my mother always thought (had she some time in life considered it?)I have had at least one distant family member who did and that was drug related. It amazes me really there aren't more and with the young people I think having a closer knit family could prevent many. I have a granddaughter that writes poetry so depressing I would never read it and she has one messed up family I can tell you. Families really should give this much more thought than they do and you see the homeless and cold doing their best to survive, you would think they would be the ones trying to die, to end the misery, I bet our government would even help them. Sorry..just had to throw that in there because I am so sure it is true.
Hi, Polly. I remember as a college student talking with a friend about suicide, and she wondered what the easiest, least painful and most efficient way to do it might be. I have had several friends commit suicide, and I know that many people think about it at some point. I suspect you're correct in thinking that most people have considered it at one point or another.
I agree completely that a closer family unit could help young people thinking of ending their lives. The ability to communicate with kids always suffers during the teen years, and I think that's really when kids need their parents most--or at least as much as ever. If the lines of communication can remain open, teens wouldn't feel so alone. It is sad when teens shut their parents out, and perhaps even more sad when the parents don't care enough to continue trying to talk with their children.
You raise an interesting point about the tenacity of the homeless. With less going for them than most of us, they struggle against the odds to survive. Your observation is intriguing--what makes them cling to life with such determination, while others in (perhaps) better situations are more apt to give up? It is an interesting question.
I was glad to be there for my friend Craig, all those years ago. I am sorry I wasn't able to help other friends who decided to end their life.
Well, thanks for the dialogue, Polly. You raised some thought-provoking issues. Take care.
Mike
ditto
Hope you had a good weekend, Polly.
Mike
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SilentReed Level 5 Commenter 20 months ago
Your presence of mind saved a man's life. It took guts to talk to a man wielding a butcher knife, since he was obviously distressed and in an unstable condion. A very commendable act of friendship.